Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
