I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
