Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
