when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
