ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
