im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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