Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize