Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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