I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
