I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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