I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
