Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize