Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
