i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
