She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
