She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
