I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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