but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
