So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
