Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
