Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
