Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
