Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
