I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
