I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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