Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How naked do you want me to be?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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