OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
