I'm really into asian looking animals
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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