I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
