So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
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I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
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You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(