Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
