I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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