i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
