Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
