fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
