singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I got her a Nickelback box set.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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