Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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