if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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