did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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