I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
