The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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