guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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