I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Randomize
