my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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