I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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