I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
