I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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