A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
