You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
