M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So squirting runs in the family.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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