there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
