So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Blood and glitter go together right?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
