I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
