I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
