Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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