I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
