She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Drunk is not a location!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
