Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
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We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
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He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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