Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
