I wish I could punch you in the face.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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