I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
no, he came in my armpit
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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