i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
