I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
